Hello, I’m Eliza Cassan, and this is a Channel 1 breaking news announcement.

A crackpot video game nerd caused a viral sensation when he livestreamed himself blocking traffic in Times Square, shouting loudly that reality is actually just following the script of some video game from the 1990’s, before consuming 10 vials of Zyme, assaulting a pigeon, and then dying of a heart attack.

Onlookers reactions were varied, but most continued on perfectly linear paths, walking by the incident without seeming to notice it.

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