Honestly, yeah sometimes. It’s my emotional reflex to frustration that was programmed into me by my parents and I haven’t done enough cognitive behavioral therapy to undo it.
As someone who discovered my Type 1 ASD at 40, the gods know that I have a lot more work to do on my self-awareness and abrasiveness.
Not saying you should adopt this, but sometimes I read aloud what I type and imagine myself replying to a student in real life in the way of and with the tone that people sometimes have on StackOverflow.
My gut reaction at that point, usually, is to rewrite a response or post completely with a more generous dose of humility and compassion.
I don’t always get it right, but when I remember to do that and read replies, I like myself a little bit more.
I’ve been thinking about this a bit more, and I realized that I talk to other people the way I talk to myself. This probably wouldn’t be a problem if I weren’t so critical of myself.
I think I need to not only put in the effort to reread the things I write when communicating with others, but also to just be kinder to myself in my internal monologue.
I spend too much time being frustrated inside my own head, and that makes it easy to use that same tone when I’m interacting with other people.
Thanks for sharing your advice. I think verbalizing my thoughts the way you suggested will be really helpful.
Honestly, yeah sometimes. It’s my emotional reflex to frustration that was programmed into me by my parents and I haven’t done enough cognitive behavioral therapy to undo it.
As someone who discovered my Type 1 ASD at 40, the gods know that I have a lot more work to do on my self-awareness and abrasiveness.
Not saying you should adopt this, but sometimes I read aloud what I type and imagine myself replying to a student in real life in the way of and with the tone that people sometimes have on StackOverflow.
My gut reaction at that point, usually, is to rewrite a response or post completely with a more generous dose of humility and compassion.
I don’t always get it right, but when I remember to do that and read replies, I like myself a little bit more.
I’ve been thinking about this a bit more, and I realized that I talk to other people the way I talk to myself. This probably wouldn’t be a problem if I weren’t so critical of myself.
I think I need to not only put in the effort to reread the things I write when communicating with others, but also to just be kinder to myself in my internal monologue.
I spend too much time being frustrated inside my own head, and that makes it easy to use that same tone when I’m interacting with other people.
Thanks for sharing your advice. I think verbalizing my thoughts the way you suggested will be really helpful.
Same.
Same.
My Dad’s neighbors always say:
And as a counterpoint to that, from Slavoj Zizek:
Just because we wrestle with ourselves internally, it doesn’t justify our perniciousness to others.
Uncle Iroh nailed it:
I just don’t wanna sound like an asshole when I attempt to do that!