I used to be out of bed and in the car in 5 minutes flat, I don’t know if it because I’m old or I finally noticed I stink but now it takes an hour minimum.

And then there’s that miraculous time you do get ready in 15 minutes, allowing yourself to believe you could achieve that again on purpose.

That‘s your problem. You take longer to be ready than you think you need. This is one of the first steps of becoming a failure. Don’t become a failure, here is the solution: join your local Jehovas witnesses today and be saved! And don’t forget: every day is Halloween for us! Walk from door to door and recruit others to join you on your journey! The best part? You don’t need anything to be done! Just get up and walk! We provide you with all the necessary tools to convert heretics, christians, muslims, jews - even pastafari and scientologists shall become part of our salvationous religion! For the low cost of $499.99 per month you even get to shake the hand of our Fuhrer Madolf Pittler!